A variety of Crayola products available for sale at a New York art supply store, Wikipedia

by Rose Madeline Mula

If you’re of my generation, you may remember that Liberace — that outrageously flamboyant, talented pianist of our era — always said that too much of a good thing is wonderful. I, on the other hand, believe that too much of a good thing is, well, too much.

For example, I loved coloring when I was a kid.  Opening a new box of Crayolas was as big a thrill for me as booting up a new video game is for kids today.  When I lifted the lid, there they were! Eight beautiful crayons — red, blue, yellow, green, purple, orange, black and brown!  All the colors anyone could ever want. Not quite. Today Crayola manufactures 152 colors, including 23 different shades of red alone — Radical Red, Razzle Dazzle Rose, Hot Magenta and twenty others.

So what does a kid do when presented with an outline of an apple to color?  When I was four, I simply plucked the only red crayon from my box. Today it’s not that easy. Too many choices. So much pressure. No wonder so many of today’s toddlers are tense.

One way to solve the apple dilemma would be to decide the apple is a Granny Smith; because though Crayola also manufactures myriad shades of green, one is actually called Granny Smith Apple, making that decision a slam dunk. Fortunately. Otherwise, the kid would have to choose from Yellow Green, Electric Lime, Screamin’ Green, Forest Green, Sea Green, Jungle Green, Caribbean Green, Shamrock … and a couple of dozen other possibilities.  The only shade that seems to be missing (thank heaven!) is Puke Green.

Apples are not the only fruit contributing to Toddler Tension these days.   Other fruit shades present their own challenges:  Outrageous Orange, Atomic Tangerine, Banana Mania, Laser Lemon, and Mango Tango are just one of the long lists of choices for each of those fruits.

The jeweler’s showcase offers a minefield of additional colors — Emerald, Ruby Red, Blue Sapphire, Gold Fusion, Sonic Silver. But those pickings are meager compared to what the flower garden inspires: Goldenrod, Blue Violet, Carnation Pink, Cornflower, Orchid, Periwinkle, Wisteria — and so many more.  Then there are all those others whose names don’t provide much of a clue to their color, including Inch Worm, Jazzberry Jam, Outer Space, Razzmatazz, Shadow, Timberwolf, Purple Pizza (Huh? Pizza? Purple??)

Crayola’s 152 colors, though impressive, is by no means a record of excess.  It actually pales in comparison to the number of different cereals manufactured today — over 1,000 according to my personal research assistant (Google), which vie for attention in crowded supermarket aisles.  Pity the poor mother searching for one her children will eat but which isn’t coated with enough sugar to rot their teeth.

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