You Know You're Getting Old When ...

…When sales clerks start calling you “Honey” (as if “M’aam” hadn’t been bad enough).

…When your hips and your knees are racing each other to the orthopedic surgeon’s office.

…When you start to get serious about cleaning out those files and drawers so someone else won’t have to do it after you’re gone.

….When you worry that your health care proxy might not pull the plug and will send you to a nursing home instead.

…When you stop envying younger people because you really wouldn’t want to go through it all again, especially in this day and age.

Come to think of it, a sure sign you’re getting old is when you start talking about “this day and age.” Worse, when you keep referring to “the good old days.” Get real. How good could they have been without George Clooney, power steering, wheels on suitcases, air conditioning, George Clooney, jet planes, television, microwave ovens, George Clooney, remote controls, dishwashers (and I don’t mean Mom)…? And, oh yes, George Clooney.

Another sure sign that you’re getting old is when you refer to your 50-something offspring as “the kids.”

…When you’re still using a Roll-O-Dex and an address book instead of electronic and digital gadgets.

…When it becomes harder and harder to keep up with the times. Sure, you have a digital camera, a computer and a cell phone. You may even enjoy your favorite “oldies” tunes on your I-Pod. But what’s with those other “i” things — iPads, iPhones, and i-Don’t-Know-What-Elses? Is it worth investing the money and the time to learn how to use them at this stage of your life?

And, finally, there’s no longer any denying that you’re getting old when you start pondering questions like how do you know when you’re getting old.

*Rose Mula's most recent book, Grandmother Goose: Rhymes for a Second Childhood is now available as an e-book on Amazon.com for the Kindle and at BarnesandNoble.com for the Nook at $2.99; the paperback edition is still available for $9.95. The Beautiful People and Other Aggravations, is also available at bookstores through Amazon.com and other online bookstores. It can also be ordered Pelican Publishing (800-843-1724), as is her previous book, If These Are Laugh Lines, I'm Having Way Too Much Fun.

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You Know You're Getting Old When ...

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