Meanwhile, I’ve also been contacting Ellen de Generis who often promotes gifted children on her show, suggesting that she give equal time to talented seniors. Well, maybe it was more of a demand than a suggestion. And maybe my implied threat of an age discrimination law suit was a tad over the top. I guess I’ve killed any chance that she and Portia might adopt me.

But I haven’t given up. I’m still waiting to hear from Dr. Oz. He and I both wrote articles that were featured in a recent issue of The Saturday Evening Post and our profiles appeared on the same 'Contributors' page of the magazine. Incredibly, he apparently was not very impressed by the honor of being associated with me, because he has ignored my suggestion that he do a show featuring the positive aspects of aging — even though I unselfishly offered to star in such a segment, without compensation. Go figure.

Maybe I’ve been setting my sights too high. I should consider Jerry Springer. Instead of asking him to adopt me, I could claim that he’s my biological father and demand that he take a paternity test on his show. Yes, I’m old enough to be his mother—possibly even his grandmother — so how could he be my father? But that would make it even more sensational. His audience would love it! Oh, wait. Problem. I doubt that those people are readers, so this wouldn’t help my book sales.

Does anybody have any other ideas I can try? If you’ll send me a suggestion, I’ll mail you a copy of my new book, The Beautiful People and Other Aggravations.  (Hey, no one else will plug it; I have to!)

Since sales have been slow, I’m sure you’ll understand if I also enclose an invoice.

Rose Mula's most recent book, 
The Beautiful People and Other Aggravations is now available at your favorite bookstore, through Amazon.com and other online bookstores, and through Pelican Publishing (800-843-1724), as is her previous book, If These Are Laugh Lines, I'm Having Way Too Much Fun.

©2011 Rose Madeline Mula for SeniorWomen.com

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