by Rose Madeline Mula

I don't understand lots of things.  Like, for instance, what keeps airplanes up and ships afloat?  What keeps the planets spinning in the vastness of space without colliding with each other? 

But apart from such esoteric conundrums, I'm also confused about many much more mundane mysteries, such as ....

Why is Jack a nickname for John?  Isn't John short enough?

Why would you actually pay a premium price for jeans that are ripped and frayed?  And how can you tell when they're worn out and ready for the trash bin?

Why are restaurant tips calculated as a percentage of the total bill?  Is it harder for a waiter to serve a fifty-dollar fillet than a five-buck burger?

Ursula Andress in the film Dr. No trailer (cropped) wearing her famous white bikini; Harry Saltzman and Albert R. Broccoli (MGM/United Artists). Wikipedia

Do today's tech-savvy kids really believe in Santa Claus ... the tooth fairy ... the Easter bunny?  You don't think they've Googled them all?

Why do women with curly hair straighten it, and those with straight hair curl it? Speaking of hair — Donald Trump.  What's with that?? 

How come when I want to shut down my computer, I have to click "Start"?

Why do some people use their microwave ovens and dishwashers only to store dinnerware and extra groceries?

When you're in the hospital, why do they wake you up in the middle of the night to give you a sleeping pill?

Do those kids with all their tattoos ever give a single thought to what all that so-called body art will look like in forty or so years when their muscles turn to flab and their skin wrinkles?  (And it will.)

Further, what's with all those grotesque piercings?  Isn't it painful to have a hunk of metal stuck through your lip and/or tongue?  How do you eat?  Kiss? And what about a hoop through your nipple? (OOOPS!  Did the baby just swallow it with her lunch?)  A ring in your nose?  (Ah-choo!!  Oh, oh!)

Earrings can be attractive.  But what's with those chandelier thingies that are almost as big as actual ceiling fixtures?    

When did bathing suits disappear?  I saw my first bikini on a beach in Nice during my first trip to Europe, back in the ‘60s.  I couldn't believe how brazen its wearer was!  Today that bikini would look positively Victorian. 

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