She’d most certainly need a blast of fresh air after that so she might go out for a walk, only to be confronted with a strange phenomenon — everyone on the street talking to themselves while clutching tiny instruments to their ears or wearing what look like oversized hearing aids. She’d be amazed to learn that all those people are actually talking on phones. How could that be? She couldn’t see any wires or extension cords… strange! And if she wanted to telephone anyone herself, she’d have a hard time finding a pay phone.
Other things that have disappeared along with Mom and pay phones are typewriters and carbon paper … mimeograph and Ditto machines … doorstep milk deliveries …ushers in movie theaters … pin boys in bowling alleys … radio soap operas … cranks on car windows … attendants at gas stations who pumped your gas (which was affordable) and also checked the oil and washed your windshield ... free meals on planes … propellers on those planes … film and flashbulbs and the cameras that used them … road maps, which have been supplanted by GPS devices … (“Where is that voice coming from?” Mom would wonder. “What is she ‘recalculating,’ and why is she telling me to make a legal U-turn when possible?”)
And whatever happened to secretaries? Are all those bosses actually typing their own letters on those computer contraptions? (Oh, and look! Some of those bosses today are women! Mom would like that!)
She would not, however, be happy to see that many people are wearing rags — jeans with frayed hems and full of holes? Has the economy deteriorated that much? She’d be even more puzzled if she went into a store and saw that these distressed garments are actually offered for sale! And at astronomical prices — even higher than the cost of brand-new-looking jeans!
Though Mom’s ears were pierced, she would be absolutely aghast by the sight of perforated, metal-ringed eyebrows (ouch!), lips and tongues (how do they eat?), noses (God bless them if they sneeze!), nipples (double ouch!) and navels (which are displayed as prominently as the afore-mentioned bosoms). What’s the matter with these people? Weren’t all their bizarre tattoos ugly enough? When did self-mutilation become fashionable? Mom would be thankful that my youth pre-dated these fads.
Ditto hair. Mom would wonder if most young men and women today are having theirs cut with a lawn mower, dipped in greasy gunk, and blown dry in a wind tunnel. It must take hours to make hair look so messy. Even worse are the shaved heads of so many young men. Do they really think that bald is beautiful?
And how come women from nine to ninety-nine are all teetering around on five-and six-inch stilletos? Mom wouldn’t need a crystal ball to predict that the future looks very profitable for podiatrists and orthopedic surgeons. She would regret that she hadn’t sent me to medical school (even though female doctors were rare in her day).
What Mom might miss the most if she were to come back today is weddings. How come very few people get married any more but openly live “in sin”? And what’s the story with all these single young women proudly displaying their “baby bumps” instead of being discreetly shipped out of state to visit an obscure relative to hide what used to be considered shameful?
Mom would really be confused and confounded about all these issues.
To tell the truth, so am I.
©2011 Rose Madeline Mula for SeniorWomen.com. Her newest book is The Beautiful People and Other Aggravations which can be found at Pelican Publishing as well as Amazon and Barnes & Noble
cherry
Type
Cocktail
Primary alcohol by volume
Served
1
Standard garnish
Standard drinkware
Cocktail glass
Commonly used ingredients
Preparation
Shake ingredients very well with ice and strain into cocktail glass. Garnish with a cherry.
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