Here Yesterday, Gone Today
One indication of your age is the number of things that have become obsolete in your lifetime. Using that criteria, I'm not old, I'm ancient — and getting older every second as technology gallops along, trampling yesterday's wonder products underfoot and replacing them with even more amazing reincarnations.
Commercial Pattern Archive, Pattern Company Kwik-Sew, University of Rhode Island. Misses Swimsuit, 1991
A notable example is the smartphone, a pocket-size marvel that is more powerful than yesterday's huge main frame computer that lived in a cavernous, climate-controlled chamber. Because of that smartphone, pay phone booths have all but disappeared. I worry about where Clark Kent can go now to change into his super duds.
But it's not just cellular flip phones, Walkmen, VCRs, and other technologic gizmos that have are disappearing into the past, so have many of the items that used to live in our closets and dresser drawers.
When was the last time you saw a housedress, for example. Every woman used to have a few of those to wear while doing housework, cooking, laundry ... Women still perform these tasks, but nowadays wearing jeans instead of the shapeless, cotton uniform of yesterday.
Also gone is the formerly ubiquitous apron (except for the 'macho' version hubby wears while barbequeing).
And every woman 'of a certain age' remembers the fancy hats and white gloves we always wore to church on Sunday. Especially notable was the new Easter hat every year to coordinate with the new spring coat. Come to think of it, whatever happened to the spring coat — and the spring suit? Time was when no wardrobe was complete without one of each.
Other clothing staples that have disappeared are garter belts and nylon stockings. The latter were like panty hose, but without the panty part. Actually, panty hose are also becoming obsolete. Bare legs are now the fashion, even in cold northern winters, so manicured toe nails can peep through the peep-toe stilletos that have replaced what we used to call our 'high heels.' Hardly. Three inches was tops. Today five, six—and even higher—are the norm. If I had kids, I'd strongly suggest they become podiatrists and orthopedic surgeons because I predict a huge rush of business in those fields a few years from now when all the women who are wearing this torturous footwear today inevitably become crippled, lame, and cane-dependent.
If you're as old as I am, you'll remember the one-piece bathing suit, constructed of enough fabric to make at least a dozen of today's barely-there bikinis. And to go with that one-piece suit was the inevitable bathing cap — that scalp-hugging, hideous, rubber helmet worn today only by competitive swimmers to reduce drag and increase speed. Back in the day we girls all wore them, even if we just waded in the surf (which was my speed) to keep our hair dry. It wasn't pretty. The caps made us look like bald old men. Furthermore, they didn't really keep our hair dry. Go figure. Joining these items in the trash heap are the slips and voluminous, ruffled petticoats we used to wear. God forbid the sun should shine through our skirts and show the outline of our legs! These days that isn't a concern. Legs are the least of what's revealed by back lighting — especially since few women wear panties any more. The string thongs that have replaced them certainly don't hide anything. (And aren't they uncomfortable???)
Girdles and corsets have supposedly also gone the way of the dodo bird, but don't you believe it. They're still here but are masquerading under the cute name of Spanx, which makes them sound like naughty fun instead of torture.
Also so 'yesterday' are jeans without holes in the knees — and elsewhere. What's that all about?
If the trend continues, I know that nothing in my closet today will be 'in' tomorrow. I only hope that birthday suits don't become fashionable. Mine is all wrinkled, and I don't think putting it through be Permanent Press cycle in my dryer will work.
©2014 Rose Madeline Mula for SeniorWomen.com
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