Here Today, Gone Tomorrow
I can’t believe that it’s been twenty-five years since my mother went to that big senior center in the sky. I often think that if she were to come back today, she’d be very perplexed. So much has changed in the last quarter-century.
Say she were to cook dinner (an activity which has almost completely been supplanted by fast-food restaurants and take-out). If she looked for an apron, which she always wore when cooking, good luck to her.
Aprons have disappeared, along with the once-ubiquitous cotton housedress. Jeans are now the uniform of the day for everyone, regardless of gender, age or girth — or activity, for that matter — from cleaning out the garage to sipping Cosmos at the Ritz, whatever a Cosmo is. Mom would have no idea.
If instead of her usual ginger ale, she decided to have a cocktail, she would have ordered a Pink Lady or an old fashioned and would have been surprised that the bartender had never heard of either. Whatever she drank, she would never wear jeans to a cocktail lounge. However, to get into her favorite dressy frock, she’d really need a girdle; but they no longer exist. Well, they do; but she’d never find one because she wouldn’t know that she should ask for Spanx or “shapewear.”
Nor would Mom be pleased if she went shopping for other undergarments. What’s with those indecent thong thingies, she’d wonder? Whatever happened to panties? For that matter, whatever happened to skirts that reached the knees and didn’t fit like a second skin? Today women are constantly playing tug of war with their crotch-length hems, especially when they try to sit down. And don’t they realize that the tight band aids that pass for skirts these days make their rear ends look huge? Mom would remember the boned corsets she used to wear to make hers as flat as possible. And she would certainly be flabbergasted at all the bosoms of all ages in public view. Don’t decency laws ban those?
But her shock at the bevy of bouncing boobies would pale in comparison to her reaction to today’s movies or TV. Can those couples (and even threesomes!) actually be doing that?! In front of cameras?!
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