How can teenagers understand every word of every rap song when they’re completely incomprehensible to the rest of us?
How come everything in my closet shrinks two sizes from one season to the next?
Speaking of clothes, why does anyone pay hundreds of dollars for worn, faded jeans with frayed cuffs and holes in the knees? And am I the only one who thinks that those kids who wear the baggy jeans with the crotches down to their knees look ridiculous?
How come the QE2, which tips the scale at over 150 tons, can float and I (who weigh considerably less, even after binging on lasagna) can’t? Similarly, how can a 400,000-pound 747 stay aloft, yet I drop like a millstone if I stumble on the curb?
And can anyone tell me why it always rains the day after I’ve washed my car and why my drain backs up the day after my garbage disposal grinds to a halt, necessitating two separate service charges by my plumber?
Also, how come your waiter always pops up to ask, “How is everything?” just as you’ve stuffed an oversized portion of the entrée into your mouth making an intelligible reply impossible?
And why did the Magi bring gold, frankincense and myrrh to the baby Jesus? I mean there He was in a stable, lying in a manger. He could have used a comfy bassinette, a cashmere blanket, a couple of sleepers, a carrier seat that could be strapped to the back of a donkey … and I’m sure Mary would have really appreciated a few dozen disposable diapers. I can understand that the scent of frankincense and myrrh might have been welcome, what with all those animals in the stable, but gold? Generous, but a bit impractical — sort of like giving a homeless person an expensive watch instead of a warm coat and some restaurant gift certificates. But maybe the Holy Family simply stashed the loot and regifted it the following Christmas.
I’ve got to stop trying to solve these enigmas and get some sleep. I hate to resort to medication, but I guess I’ll take a sleeping pill.
I sure hope it will cause drowsiness.
© Rose Madeline Mula for SeniorWomen.com
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