By Rose Madeline Mula

I know I’m supposed to grow old gracefully — wrap myself in an afghan, shuffle to my rocking chair, smile beatifically — and, above all, shut up and stop complaining about my creaky knees, my locked rotator cuff, my aching back…  My peers are very familiar with the negatives of the advancing years and don’t need to be reminded; and the kids (everyone under 80) don’t want to think about them. So I decided to promote the positives of aging. Yes, there really are some.

The first plus that comes to mind, of course, is the ubiquitous senior discount.  Ten percent off just about anything you need or want might be worth getting old for.  Almost. Actually, I’d be tempted to give up the discount in exchange for reclaiming the last forty years. But only if I could relive them without replaying all the mistakes I made the first time around.

Another major benefit of getting old is no more resume updates and job hunting.  Those who still have years to go before retirement can’t wait. It will be great, they think.  No more being rudely awakened at dawn by that damn alarm.  No more fighting commuter traffic. No more having to deal with company politics.  Plus having endless time to write that novel that’s been percolating in your head, learn another language, travel the world (or as much of it as your pension will allow), visit the kids and grandkids as often as you’d like, work out regularly, cook healthy meals instead of relying on fast food pick-up, and volunteer to help those less fortunate.

Those of us who have been retired for eons know, of course, that that’s all bunk. Years later we still have done little, if any, of what we had planned.  In fact, we seem to have even fewer spare hours than we did when we worked. How did we ever find time for a job, we wonder. Maybe spare moments were more precious to us because they were limited, so we became expert at not squandering them?

“Tomorrow” has become my new mantra.  That’s when I’ll fire up my computer and start writing in earnest.  That’s when I’ll sign up for that course in Conversational Italian. And that’s when I’ll go down to the local soup kitchen and see if they can use an extra pair of hands.  But right now I think I’ll binge watch reruns of “The Big Bang Theory” and “VEEP” — after I run out to pick up a pizza for dinner.

Okay, so maybe retirement isn’t such a benefit of getting old;  but there are tons of other advantages, the obvious ones being Medicare and Social Security (meager though that may be). And if, unlike me, you are lucky enough to have worked for companies that offered generous pensions and 401K plans, you’ll have it made.  

As for me, one of my favorite blessings of aging is that I’ll never have to buy another ugly bridesmaid dress.  Furthermore, when I go to a wedding, no one expects me to remember the chicken dance; and if I do the Hokey Pokey, everyone thinks it’s cute if I put my right foot out instead of my left..  

Another perk:  No one expects me to host elaborate lasagna dinners for a dozen friends any more.  

Also, I no longer have to be embarrassed about not knowing how to ride a bike, swim, or ski. No one expects someone my age to do any of those things.  They don’t have to know I never could. (I’m counting on you not to tell them.) And no one is going to challenge me to go skydiving or bungee jumping.

Another huge plus of the mature years is that it has become very easy to impress people.  They are amazed to see I own a cell phone — a smart one, not a granny flip phone. And they find it hard to believe that Alexa lives in my den and Google Home in my bedroom.

Also, I can now enjoy friendships with men because their wives/girl friends don’t consider me a threat.  Wait a minute. Actually, that’s pretty insulting.

But at least I no longer have to agonize over whether anyone will ask me to the prom.

Also, no more periods!  Goodbye, tampons. (Hello, incontinence pads.)  

I have also found many car-related benefits of being mature (okay, old).  For one thing, when it snows, kind neighbors always dig me out.  In supermarket parking lots, people magically materialize to help me unload my shopping cart.  On the highway, other drivers give me the right of way rather than take their chances that my old eyes can’t see them clearly.   And when I take public transportation, I never have to stand no matter how crowded the bus or train — though it’s upsetting when someone who I think looks twice my age surrenders his/her seat to me.

I have much less peer pressure these days, too — because I have fewer peers. I have managed to outlive most of them.  And I can safely entrust my secrets to the few that are left because I know they won’t remember them.

I do spend many more sleepless nights tossing and turning than I used to, but I figure that’s good exercise.  And when I fall and can’t get up, that’s a great excuse to take a nap.

These days I hear those three little words often.  No, not “I love you,” but “for your age” — as in “You look wonderful for your age” and “You’re so sharp for your age.”  Unfortunately, I can’t say that about my memory which is becoming unreliable. But that, too has a benefit — I can reread a favorite book and it will be brand new to me and just as enjoyable  the second time. Ditto favorite movies.

Also, there’s really not much need to kick bad habits any more.   At a certain point, none of us is going to live long enough for excess smoking, drinking, eating, or inactivity to catch up with us.

But absolutely the best thing about getting old is this:  

We no longer have to worry about dying young.

©2019 Rose Madeline Mula for SeniorWomen.com

Meanwhile, she can reached by e-mail.

More Articles

• Medical Billing and Collections Among Older Americans
• Kaiser Health News*: May 11th Era of ‘Free’ Covid Vaccines, Test Kits, and Treatments Is Ending. Who Will Pay the Tab Now?
• Congressional Budget Office: Federal Budget Deficit Totals $1.4 Trillion in 2023; Annual Deficits Average $2.0 Trillion Over the 2024–2033 Period
• Shhhhhh by Ferida Wolff
• Women Consistently Earn Less Than Men; Women Are Over-represented in Lower Paying Jobs and, As They Age, the Pay Gap Widens Even More
• Rose Madeline Mula Writes: I’ve Got A Secret – NOT!
• Government of Canada Renews Investment in Largest Canadian Study on Aging
• Rose Madeline Mula Writes: I Feel Like That Carton of Milk In the Refrigerator Which Is Beyond Its Expiration Date
• Julia Sneden Writes: Age Rage; Sometimes You Just Have to Strike Back
• Once ADAS-trained, Older Adults Find It Easier to Access and Use Driver-assistance Technologies Without Compromising Their Attention to the Road