I also confess that my kitchen cabinets house an eclectic mix of plastic dinnerware and Wedgewood China . . . paper cups and Waterford goblets . . . all stacked between teetering piles of disposable containers that I should have disposed of months ago.
Given all that, you can just imagine the disastrous state of my pantry shelves. I just hope they’re so messy that no one will notice the jars of pasta sauce lurking there. Yes, jarred sauce! I’m a disgrace to my Sicilian heritage and to my mother and aunts who all used to spend hours every Sunday morning patiently stirring a simmering, delicious blend of tomatoes and secret savory seasonings. I’m glad they’re not here to witness my shame as I surreptitiously (even when no one is watching) open a jar of prepared sauce, dump it in a bowl, and nuke it in the microwave.
Another shameful revelation: I buy cheap Scotch, gin and vodka for my occasional lone pre-microwaved-dinner cocktail, but I splurge on expensive spirits for company. (It’s the least I can do, after all. If it weren’t for them, my house would never be vacuumed or dusted.)
Next to my microwave, I love my freezer best. On the rare occasions that I actually cook, I make a large batch of whatever and freeze several individual portions for future meals. Unfortunately, I seldom label the containers. Consequently, my fresh-from-the-freezer repasts are often a complete surprise — especially after the afore-mentioned pre-dinner cocktail of cheap booze.
Also, I haven’t cleaned under the kitchen sink or the bathroom vanities since I moved into my new condo three years ago. I did look at these spaces last week. You don’t want to know what I found. Trust me.
So I’m not Martha Stewart — but, then, neither is Martha Stewart. She has a phalanx of assistants. I, too, could whip up an amazing duck a l’orange, pommes de terre gratinee, and a flaming cherries jubilee with a flourish if someone else shopped for the ingredients, chopped or sliced the veggies, measured all the condiments into containers, lined up all the utensils, pre-heated the oven, and — most important — cleaned up after me.
Until that happens, if you plan to come and visit me, would you mind picking up a pizza on the way?
Note: Rose Mula's most recent book,The Beautiful People and Other Aggravations, is now available at your favorite bookstore, through Amazon.com and other online bookstores, and through Pelican Publishing (800-843-1724), as is her previous book, If These Are Laugh Lines, I'm Having Way Too Much Fun.
©2010 Rose Madeline Mula for SeniorWomen.com
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