We’re not driving while high on drugs.   (No — not even prescription meds; we’re too sleepy to even leave the house when we’re taking those).

We’re not drag racing with the car in the next lane, and we don’t burn rubber when the light turns green.  (What’s the damn hurry? You’re rushing to be first in line to buy the newest I-Pad?  Tried and true Poise pads are good enough for me.)

We’re not distracted by the babe with the bouncing boobs walking by — or the shirtless hunk with the washboard abs in the open convertible in the next lane.  (We know it’s just a matter of time before they’ll be flabby and shriveled, too.)

We haven’t adjusted our rear view mirrors to help us shave or apply makeup while we’re zipping along at 90 mph in a 60 mph zone.  (We know it’s pointless.  No cosmetic procedures are going to make us look good.  Besides, all mirrors are our enemy.  We never ever look into one intentionally.)

We won’t be temporarily blinded by the sun glinting off our multiple piercings or gobs of gel dripping from our spiked tresses into our eyes.  (And we’ve had cataract surgery, by the way, so our vision is great.)

If you’re still determined to confiscate our driving licenses, think again.  You might force us to resort back to the horse and buggy.  Can you imagine the traffic jams when Dobbin stops to nibble on some grass in the median strip — or, worse, to eliminate the oats he had for breakfast that morning?

It won’t be pretty.

©2011 Rose Madeline Mula for SeniorWomen.com

Editor's Note: Rose Mula's most recent book, The Beautiful People and Other Aggravations, is now available at your favorite bookstore, through Amazon.com and other online bookstores, and through Pelican Publishing (800-843-1724), as is her previous book,  If These Are Laugh Lines, I'm Having Way Too Much Fun.

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