When I start feeling start feeling envious of my granddaughter, or too nostalgic about the days when I was young and strong and swimming my own beautiful crawl, I remind myself that there is more to being young and strong than just feeling terrific. No age has a lock on an easy life.
A while back, there was a day when my granddaughter came home upset because a group of girls had hurt her feelings. She is eleven and dealing with the angst that goes with the beginnings of adolescence.
A vivid memory of all that misery instantly replayed in my mind. The confusions, anxieties, doubts, fears, etc. that plagued my life back then have not been forgotten, even though I learned long ago to keep them in their place. At eleven or twelve, you may have a host of friends, or you may get great grades, or you may be a good athlete, but you're still vulnerable to the jerks of the world. 'Mean girls' is the new term, but it's not a new concept. And as the mother of sons, I know that the phenomenon isn't restricted to girls: groups of boys can be just as rotten.
On top of that, there's the confusion that your own body imposes on you as it starts to do grown-up things even if you're not yet ready to stop being a kid.
It strikes me that we waste a lot of time and energy envying others, in all the stages of our lives. When I was in high school, I used to look out the classroom window to see cars driving by, or women wheeling babies in strollers, and I'd think: 'Lucky grownups. They're free from the regimen of school.' Little did I know about other imperatives like 2 a.m. feedings, or running a household, or supporting a family, never mind frantic trips to the doctor's office/emergency room with yet another bleeding son.
Once I finished school and started my own family, I began to envy the working women I knew, who didn't always smell of spit-up, and could afford nice clothes, or decide to see a movie whenever they wanted without worrying about finding a sitter.
Back in the workforce after my children were older, I envied youngsters who were off to college, with all those possibilities open before them (as someone else paid the bills). And ultimately, of course, it occurred to me to envy retired folk, their lives unstructured or constrained by duties.
Well, now I envy anyone who doesn't have to worry about finances, or who don't have bad knees, or extra pounds, or relatives and friends who seem to be dying off wholesale.
I try to be stern with myself and ignore my jealous nature, but somehow the green-eyed monster is never quieted for long.
My grandmother would be reminding me of the 10th commandment: 'Thou shalt not covet.' But perhaps it's human nature to look around and wish for something you don't have. The alternative would lead to a kind of self-satisfied smugness that is at the very least unattractive, and at the most, would lead to a kind of stasis. After all, if there were nothing to envy, there would be no reason to grow and change.
Perhaps we should embrace our inner Green-Eyed Monster every now and then, and have a good laugh with him as we recognize him for the silly fellow that he is. The world may be cruel at times, but as some wise soul said, it's all we've got.
©Julia Sneden for SeniorWomenWeb
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