I Haven't a Thing To Wear
18th Century Women's Fashions: La toilette by François Boucher, 1742; Museo Thyssen-Bornemisza, Madrid, Colección Permanente
Three mysteries will always taunt me: Einstein's Theory of Relativity, how to buy low and sell high, and how it's possible to have three huge closets crammed with clothes and still never have a thing to wear-at least nothing appropriate for the occasion at hand.
Everything I own is either too formal or too casual for anything to which I'm ever invited. I seem to have an uncanny knack for either buying all the wrong clothes or not getting asked to any of the right affairs.
For instance, I was recently requested to attend a surprise anniversary party to be held at four o'clock on a Sunday afternoon. I was very smug as I slipped into my elegantly simple tailored suit that the saleswoman had assured me would be at home at any afternoon social event. That's just where I should have left it — at home. When I arrived at the party I had the feeling that the other women guests belonged to a secret sorority. All of them (including the lady being "surprised") knew something I didn't. There they were — every last one of them-dripping diamonds and black chiffon to their anklebones. At first I thought I had the wrong address and had stumbled into a very dressy wake. But nobody had died. I just wished I could.
Read Rose's article at http://www.seniorwomen.com/articles/rose/articlesRoseWear.html