E-Mail: Blessing or Curse?

How did we manage before email? It helps us communicate easily with family, friends, and business associates. It saves us immeasurable time. It slashes our postage and stationery costs.

As a writer, email has been a special boon to me. In the predigital age, when I wanted to submit an article to publishers, I had to take my typed originals to Staples or Kinko's to make Xerox copies, and then snail mail them to editors, along with return-addressed stamped envelopes. Expensive! Slow! Today, with email, I have no copying costs, no postage, no gas costs to drive to a copy center and the post office, and no time spent on those trips. Plus, no waiting for the mailman for responses. I can now receive rejections cheaply and quickly. Oh, wait! That's not good!

As for personal emails, I do enjoy hearing from you — usually. But please, please don't send me any more that try to guilt me into forwarding your message to all my contacts. You know the ones I mean: If I believe in God, I'll send this to my friends … If I love my country, I'll share this with my contacts … if I appreciate the sacrifices made by our brave servicemen and women I'll post this on my Facebook page … In other words, if I don't do as you ask, it means I hate God and the USA and all who serve in the armed forces. Not true. Not by a long shot. I have very valid reasons for not forwarding your messages, none of which have anything to do with my belief in the Almighty, my profound love of America, or my deep gratitude for all those serving this great country.

I also don't want to receive threats of bad luck if I don't forward your email. Yesterday, for example, I received an email saying I would die at 11:59 PM if I did not forward the message. FYI, I did not forward it; I did not die. Or if I did, the hereafter is surprisingly the same as life as I knew it on earth. My difficult relatives are still difficult; I still can't lose those stubborn five pounds; Macy's still expects payment of the bill it sent me last week; my tricky left hip still needs to be replaced. And, oh yes, publishers are still not fighting over my latest manuscript.

Almost as annoying, are the 'good news' emails — promises of five years of good luck if I forward your message to five friends, seven years for seven friends, and so on. Similarly, don’t tell me that if I email that new Microsoft press release you sent me to only four people, Bill Gates will send me $5,000 to thank me for my support. Sure he will. And the stork brings babies, and that new wrinkle cream I bought is going to erase twenty years from my face.

News flash: My wish will definitely not be granted if I forward your email to everyone on my contact list. I know because I actually tried this once when I was having a particularly bad day. It was four years ago; and I still have not won a multi-gazillion dollar lottery. (Maybe I should try buying a ticket?)

And stop with the political propaganda! You don't like my candidates; I can't stand yours. Bombarding me with what I consider misinformation isn't going to change my mind. Let's just agree to disagree. Or, as they say, I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

What's more, you may love extreme wrestling … 14-inning baseball games …. all the so-called real housewives of everywhere … I don't. You know I don't. So why do you keep sending me emails about all this stuff?

And before you forward the newest scare story (about contaminated hypodermic needles imbedded in movie theater seats … poisoned Halloween candy ... reports of McDonalds using human meat in hamburgers) please take a minute to check out their accuracy on Snopes or some other fact-checking site. You must know, of course, that too many people assume that it must be true because you say you saw it on the Internet; and they perpetuate the myths by passing them on to all their friends.

And if you must forward everything you receive, at least delete the email addresses of everyone else on the routing lists. I prefer that the scammers and spammers who troll the Net constantly looking for new victims not have easy access to my email address.

Does this mean I never want to hear from you again? Not at all. I'd love to know what's new with you. And I do enjoy the latest pictures of your kids and grandkids and the funny, clever jokes you send. Just no more tickets to Guiltsville, threats of bad luck, scary unsubstantiated hoaxes, pie-in-the-sky promises, or political propaganda, please.

Deal?

Editor's Note: Rose Mula's most recent book, Grandmother Goose: Rhymes for a Second Childhood is now available as an e-book on Amazon.com for the Kindle and at BarnesandNoble.com for the Nook at $2.99; the paperback edition is still available for $9.95. Her books of humorous essays, The Beautiful People and Other Aggravations,

and If These Are Laugh Lines, I'm Having Way Too Much Fun can also be ordered at Amazon.com or through Pelican Publishing (800-843-1724).

Money and Computing, Culture Watch, Computing, The Internet, Senior Women Web, Articles, Sightings, Rose Mula, Authors, What's New

E-Mail: Blessing or Curse?

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