Why? Like Why Do I Waste Time Watching "The Chew" Chefs Concoct Recipes I’m Never Going to Attempt and Other Conundrums
They say with age comes wisdom. If that’s true, considering how long I’ve been on this planet, by now I should know everything. But I don’t. I still have lots of questions.
Why, for example, do TV talk show hosts sit behind a desk? It makes no sense.
The Chew with First Lady Michelle Obama; Wikipedia
Think about it. If you visit a friend, you both sit around the kitchen or dining room table … on couches in the living room … on recliners in the den … on the floor in front of the television set … If your friend sat behind a desk, wouldn't you think it strange? So why does a TV host do that? It probably started decades ago — maybe with Johnny Carson, for some unfathomable reason; and all future hosts followed suit like sheep. (No, I've never seen a sheep sitting behind a desk, but you know what I mean.)
And why are we surprised that kids think that money grows on trees — or, if not on trees, in machines that Mom drives up to and inserts a plastic card, causing twenty-dollar bills to spew out like magic. And if no magic money machine is available, Mom can still buy anything she wants — from bananas to bling — with another plastic card.
Furthermore, why does anyone believe those pitches that start with "Congratulations! You have won …" or "You have been chosen …" Sure. You have been chosen to be our next sucker, or you have won a useless product we're trying to dump; and all you have to pay is shipping and handling — which equal the price of said useless product.
I also wonder why everyone in the country doesn’t agree with my choice of political candidates. I mean it's so obvious that I’m right! And why do I waste so much time on Facebook reading the completely erroneous, poisonous comments they post about my guy or gal? And then why do I wonder why my blood pressure readings are so high?
Listening to today's so-called music certainly isn’t going to lower those readings. I know a lot of people must actually enjoy it, but why? The melodies aren’t melodic, and the lyrics are unintelligible — at least to me, which is a good thing. When some friends who are young enough to understand them recite snippets to me, I have to resist a strong urge to wash their mouths out with anti-bacterial soap. These are the same guys who wear their pants bagging below their butts and gals who wear jeans with ripped-out knees and frayed hems which they buy at tony, high-end boutiques, not at Goodwill. Again, why???
If computers are supposed to save us so much time, how come I spend hours on the phone with tech support instead of having a life?
Another thing: Why can't we look on the outside, the way we feel on the inside?
Take me, for instance. In my head, I'm still seventeen; and I look like Angelina Jolie — only much younger. Unfortunately, my mirrors reflect a wrinkled crone I don’t recognize. Maybe that's why every time I go grocery shopping little old ladies rush over and insist on helping me unload my bags into my car. And while they’re doing that, why does every runaway shopping cart in the parking lot always make a beeline for my car instead of the other ninety-nine in the immediate vicinity?
As for those grocery stores, why do they have 25 check-out lanes when no more than half a dozen are ever open at the same time? And why is the shortest line in any of those six lanes invariably the slowest?
Can anyone explain to me why coffee/wine/whatever were bad for us yesterday, but healthful today? And if geniuses were smart enough to put men on the moon, why can’t they figure out how to make broccoli, spinach, and kale taste as good as pizza, lasagna, and potato salad?
Why do I waste so much time watching The Chew chefs concoct recipes I'm never going to attempt because they always have more than four ingredients, and watching The Bachelor make silly women cry, and then wonder why I never seem to be able to cross anything off my to-do list?
Why do we still say "Don't touch that dial!" or "Dial now for a free sample"? When was the last time a TV set or phone had a dial — or anything was "free," for that matter.
And the biggest conundrum of all: January and July both have 31 days — and said days are much longer in July. So why does January seem to last at least twice as long as July?
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