“I should have married her when I had the chance.” Sex Differences in Relationship Regret
Editor's Note: We have included a number of paragraphs from the study, Sex Differences in Relationship Regret: The Role of Perceived Mate.
Abstract: The current set of studies examined regret involving action and inaction in the realm of romantic relationships by testing whether such regret is associated with the
characteristics of one’s mate. In study 1, 394 participants reported on a previous casual
sexual encounter, and in study 2, 358 participants reported on a previous romantic
relationship. In both, instances of actual engagement and instances of passing up
opportunities were studied. Study 3 was experimental and elicited reactions to hypothetical scenarios from 201 participants. Regret reported by men in both study 1 and study 2 varied as a function of the perceived attractiveness of the participants’ actual and potential mate. Regret reported by women in study 2 varied as a function of the perceived stinginess of the participant’s mate and perceived wealth of the participants’ potential mate. Study 3 found that sex differences in type of regret (with men regretting inaction more than women) occurred only when the mate presented in the scenario was described in ways consistent with mate preferences. Together these findings suggest that regret differs between the sexes in ways consistent with sex differences in mate preferences.
Introduction:
“I should have married her when I had the chance.” “I shouldn’t have eaten that
entire pie.” “If only I had not gotten into that car on that fateful day.” Sentiments such as
these reflect an emotion that is known to most of us. Regret is an unpleasant emotion commonly felt when we experience some unfortunate outcome that we believe would have been different had we taken a different course of action.
Discussion: The primary purpose of the study was to test for sex differences in the mate qualities that predict regret. Consistent with expectations, mate attractiveness accounted for a significant amount of variance in regret among men for both sexual encounters and romantic relationships. This held true for both action and inaction regrets. Thus, the more attractive the woman, the less regret our male participants reported over having engaged romantically or sexually with her and the more regret they reported over having missed out on an opportunity to have engaged romantically or sexually. Notably, mate attractiveness was the only trait that significantly and consistently predicted regret among men in all four types of romantic/sexual scenarios. In contrast, mate attractiveness did not significantly predict regret among our female participants for any of the four types of romantic/sexual scenarios.
The pattern of findings for our female participants was only moderately consistent
with predictions. Our predictions for women largely held up in the romantic relationship
survey. Among our female participants only, mate wealth (in missed relationship
opportunities and, to a marginal extent, in relationships) and mate stinginess (in
relationships) was related to regret. Contrary to expectations, stinginess was not associated with regret among women in the inaction context. Perhaps stinginess is hard to assess outside of an actual relationship.
Painting: Edmund Leighton's God Speed!, 1900. Art Renewal Center Museum, Wikipedia
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