Culture Watch
In this issue:
And Consider This
Getting Along (almost)
With Your Adult Kids
by Lois Leiderman Davitz, Ph.D. and Joel R. Davitz, Ph.D.
Sorin Books, publication Sept. 2003
This breezy little book is
a handy manual for anyone with grown children. Those of us who turned
to Drs. Spock and Brazelton for reassurance as we reared our young will
recognize the same developmental approach that gave us guidelines and
labels for chronological stages like "the terrible twos." Chapters are
headed with phrases like "The Terrible Twenties" or "The Questing Forties,"
and each decade from the 20's to the 50's and beyond is discussed at
length.
Along with insightful descriptions
of the adult child's behaviors (and the reasons behind them), the authors
offer up advice on how to respond. Almost all of these suggestions end
up with the reminder to butt out, which may annoy some readers even
though very few of us would choose to argue with it. The Davitzes enliven
their writing with anecdotal coverage of such problems as in-law relationships
(dicey, very dicey: handle with care) and children who return home (not
always difficult).
One of this book's most heartening
reminders is that our adult children remain our children no matter what
the world (or for that matter the children themselves) may think. They
no longer need the direct, physical care that was required when they
were young, but the bonds forged between parent and child are strong
enough to bend and stretch to accommodate each new stage of our lives
and theirs. For those of us who have children in their 40's and 50's,
the authors' discussion of the gift we can now give to them (our attitude
toward life) is particularly touching.
— J.S.
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