My husband became the community representative to the state's residents organization. We traveled to a fairly long list of other communities for meetings for seven years. He instigated the regionalization of the group (good sense for a state that is more than 600 miles wide) to make meetings more manageable. When he died, he was in his second year as the president of our own residents association. In short, he went on as he had his life long: doing whatever he could to help where he had the qualifications.
Now, having found (mirabile dictu) someone I could teach how to use the wonderful computer program we bought for the library, I am only a member of the committee. I've backed out of almost everything. I keep threatening to quit the newsletter editorial board, but we can't find new members, so I guess that will have to wait. Okay, until it's my turn to edit an issue (twice a year).
I steadfastly refused to take an office in the regional branch of the state residents association, though I'm in the last term of my second session with our own residents association. Then I made a mistake. Asked to take over the chairmanship of a group who award educational loans to employees, I agreed, without knowing exactly what was involved other than a mere three meetings in a year. Why am I surprised that it turned out to be a year when the committee decided to face up to the failings of the application process, change the name, and (I confess, at my insistence) undertake fund raising again because we had about used up a nice legacy from three years past? Curses, foiled again.
I've read so many essays and homilies about the satisfaction of "giving back" and helping others that totally overlook the unspoken disadvantages. I just plain don't believe all those volunteers are all as altruistic as they seem. I don't have all that many years left, just according to the calendar, and I want to spend more hours on other things (like writing this), and I don't have the energy any more to take on as many daily tasks. Surely there are others like me who cherish their own time to do with as they choose?
After giving it some thought, it seems to me that there are those who do and those who stand by, and whichever camp one has grown up in, one is unlikely ever to be able to leave it. Not to sound either patronizing or holier-than-thou, I guess it's like your accent — something you can't alter without huge effort.
Everyone is aware that if something absolutely needs to be done, it's going to be the busiest person around who will accomplish it. Examples abound here where I am. There's a lady who moved in less than six months ago. She is on three committees here, still works for a group in town, and teaches (very well, and with wonderful good humor) bridge lessons once a week. Her husband is badly hampered by health problems, but has started up an activities program in the special care unit (dementia patients). She's been a teacher, and he has worked in mental health for more than 30 years.
"Those who can do," it's said, "and those who can't teach." There should be another aphorism: those who care volunteer; those who have a fully developed sense of self-preservation say 'no.'"
Maybe that shouldn't be the final word, though. It's a kind of Pyrrhic victory to have people repeat, "You do so much!" That's the final challenge to overcome. I know I need to learn not to be flattered by that remark.
©2011 Joan L. Cannon for SeniorWomen.com
Caption: The obsolete card catalog files at Sterling Memorial Library, Yale University.
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