I'd like to voice a few
pet peeves wordwise. However, first I must ask: Can one "voice"
an opinion in writing? How can a peeve be a pet? Are "wise"
words, such as "wordwise" correct grammarwise?
But back to my peeves:
High on my list are
misplaced "only"s, such as "This insurance policy only covers passengers
on regularly scheduled airlines." How fortunate. If it uncovered
them they might catch cold.
Another vexation is
wayward apostrophes, as in incorrect plurals, like "the Smith's,"
often seen on front doors or mailboxes. I also cringe every
time I pass a local Chinese restaurant that calls itself "Your's."
And how about "The dog wagged it's tail" (which I read in a children's
story recently). Hey, I like a happy dog as much as the next person,
but "it's"? Also, years ago, a shop in the city where I used to live
called itself Audreys' Hideaway. It is possible, of course, that
the establishment was owned by more than one woman named Audrey, but I
doubt it. How many Audreys do you know of now that the lovely Ms.
Hepburn is no more? A local store solves the apostrophe problem
by displaying "Jokers Wild" on one sign, and "Joker's Wild" on another.
It's impossible to tell if they're they talking about multiple unruly
pranksters, or simply stating that one jester is untamed.
And what's with conversations like the following between two young
ladies (at least I think they were females-sometimes hard to tell these
days) which I overheard on the bus yesterday:
"So he goes, 'yeah,
well, ya know, why should I?' And I go, 'Well, like, ya know.whatever.'
And he goes.."
Exactly where is everybody
going? It's like, ya know, soooo irritating.
Another problem is gender political correctness, which has introduced
a whole new area of grammatical inconsistency: Why do advertisers
persist in saying things like "If your child is having reading problems,
this program will help them." What's so wrong with helping "him or
her," or "her or him," or simply changing "child is" to "children
are" so the rest of the sentence will be correct? And a recent
Walt Disney promo proclaims, "A child lives in a world of their own imagination."
If you pay attention, you'll hear and read countless similar references,
all written by copywriters who are getting paid big bucks.
Though all the above really
bug me (how did insects get into this), the phrase that irritates me the
most is "more importantly" instead of simply, "more important." One hears
this from educators, corporation presidents, the clergy, radio and television
personalities, and others who should know better but still say things such
as "More importantly, February usually has 28 days." Actually,
they don't often talk about February, but you know what I mean. Would
these people proclaim Tom Cruise to be "more handsomely" than Leonardo
DiCaprio? Or would they judge Martha Stewart's duck a l'orange to
be "more deliciously" than that prepared by Julia Childs? (Since
I never met Tom or Leo personally nor have been invited to dine with Martha
or Julia, I'm in no position to make comparisons. However, if I were,
I'd at least do it in a grammatically correct (certainly not "correctly")
fashion.
Of course, I'm not
an authority. I could be wrong about any or all of this. After
all, I've been wrong before---once in 1943, and again in 1952, as I recall.
This compulsion
to correct everything I hear and read, from radio and television commercials
to billboards on the highway, is a curse! I don't have a moment's
respite. I beg of you, please help me before I edit again!
