I'm confused.
I know times have changed-but
this much? A reader of a gossip column recently wrote to ask if
actress Natasha Henstridge ever married her longtime fiancé, actor
Liam Waite. Not yet was the response. "Every time Liam and I plan
a wedding," says Henstridge, "I seem to get pregnant." Hello?!
Didn't pregnancy used to be a good reason to get married—not
to postpone it?
A book I am currently
reading, In the Deep Midwinter by Robert Clark, published
in 1997 but set in the '40s, is a strong reminder of they way
things used to be: Anna loves Charles, who is about to propose.
She would be deliriously happy—except for one problem. She
suspects she is pregnant; and she is certain that when she tells
Charles, he will immediately dump her. "He'll think I'm cheap!"
she wails to her friend Alice. Am I missing something here? Anna
apparently feels that the fact that she has been sleeping with
Charles for months has not diminished her in his eyes, but now
that she's pregnant because she forgot to use her diaphragm once
or twice, he'll think she's a slut. Huh?
I grew up in Anna's
era, and I would have written her off as a "bad" girl way before
the pregnancy. She would have made it just by making out with
Charles the first time. Of course, back then I really didn't know
what "making out" meant. First, second and third base? They were
just markers on a ball field. To me "sex" simply defined gender.
I was beyond naive. I was probably legally able to vote before
I was certain that the stork really didn't bring babies. For a
while I thought pregnancy resulted from something called "French
kissing," whatever that was. I had no clue. I just knew that a
boy had to be involved and that any girl who had a baby before
she was married was beyond redemption, doomed to hell—and
her family disgraced forever.
It happened to only
one of my high school classmates, or so the story went. No one
ever actually knew for a fact; but she did gain a lot of weight
and then suddenly left school to "visit" an aunt 2,000 miles away.
She never returned. Rumors flew. Did she have a baby? Did she
keep it? Who was the father? Did he marry her? Of course not.
Boys did not marry "that kind of girl." He probably admitted his
paternity at some point, however. Why? Not because DNA tests precluded
a denial but because he was proud of his sexual prowess. His reputation
wasn't ruined. On the contrary, it was enhanced. There was definitely
something wrong with that picture.
Women's lib changed
all that. Nowadays both sexes, young as well as old, are publicly
promiscuous without risking disapproval. They're even happy to
brag about it in the press and on national television. Single
motherhood? Hey, that's now a badge of honor. Leading the trend
are celebrities who are praised for their selflessness. On the
other hand, anyone over fifteen who is courageous enough to admit
to being a virgin is ridiculed. She/he is considered to be either
hopelessly unattractive, frigid, or saddled with preposterously
outdated hang-ups. Even younger children who may not yet be "going
all the way" are certainly well on the way. I heard on a television
talk show last week that oral sex is a favorite pastime of middle
school kids across America. Really? Whatever happened to tag…hide
& seek…hopscotch…? Remember when kids used to get their mouths
washed out with soap for saying a naughty word? What's the punishment
for oral sex? A scouring with industrial-strength Ajax?
I admit that my generation
was probably too inhibited. The raciest thing we ever saw on television
were Rob and Laura Petrie's twin beds on the Dick Van Dyke
show. But I think we were happier than today's youth who are supposedly
freer but who are pressured on all sides to engage in so-called
"adult" behavior long before they're ready. And when they do reach
maturity, having already experienced it all, they're jaded, disillusioned,
and depressed. Fidelity? Responsibility? What a drag. It's not
surprising that older husbands turn to Viagra and nymphets, while
their wives resort to Botox and breast implants in order to seduce
boy-toys. Of course, it helps if they can bait their beds with
money and gifts because if today's boys and girls just want sex,
they don't need older partners. They can get plenty of action
in school.
It gives a whole new
meaning to the term "playground."
Rose Mula was an executive
assistant, a public relations specialist, and an operations manager
for a New England dinner theater chain before discovering a passion
for writing. She has written business and trade articles to earn
a living, and humor for the fun of it. Her work has appeared in
Yankee, Modern Maturity, The Christian Science Monitor, The Reader's
Digest, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Miami Herald, and more
than six dozen other magazines and newspapers. She can be contacted
through email.
