Senior men need a woman
to take care of them. Women do not need a man to take care of
them and by the time they are seniors they have already taken
care of themselves for years. But all seniors, women as well as
men, should have a pet. A dog or a cat.
Or a computer.
You have to take a
dog for walks to do his business; rain or shine.
A cat does his business
in a litter box in the house, but you have to clean out the litter
from time to time and take it outside, rain or shine.
The only business a
computer has to take care of is your business, the only litter
is your own and you can clean that up by hitting "delete;" and
weather is not a factor unless it is severe enough for a power
outage.
You have to buy all
kinds of food and doggie bones for a dog and go out to store to
get it.
You have to buy food
for a cat, too, and sometimes have to coax one to eat it. All
you have to give a computer is a little electricity and there
is always a handy, steady supply around.
A dog will do some
stuff you tell it to do, like "sit" and "fetch." Cat’s won’t usually,
but some cats will fetch. A computer will do anything you ask
if you know the right words to ask, like search, seniorwomen.com
or page down.
A dog will put his
paws on your shoulders and knock you down if you are frail or
unsteady and lick your face. A cat might condescend to lick your
hand but usually prefers to lick itself. A computer is not
going to do that. It always waits for you to make the first advance.
A dog may be dangerous
to a little kid or afraid of one. Cats are often afraid of little
kids because little kids pull tails and ears and cats to not care
for that kind of stuff. A computer doesn’t care how little
you are as long as you can reach the keyboard.
Dogs bark and howl
and cats meow and purr. A computer doesn’t make any noise you
don’t tell it to except maybe "You’ve got mail," which you are
usually pleased to hear.
A dog almost always
will come when you call its name. A cat may or may not come or
even look your way unless, of course, you holding out a treat.
A computer will always come when you call unless there is a
power outage or it has crashed (in which case it may cause
you to rant and rave; cats and dogs can cause you to do that,
too, for much less serious behavior).
When you are eating,
a dog will look up at you with pleading eyes. A cat will paw or
bite your elbow or jump up on the table and try to eat off of
your plate. A computer will let you eat in peace unless you
are antsy about an e-mail you are expecting and can’t get it off
your mind.
If you leave a gate
unlocked a dog will run out and explore the world and put his
mark on fireplugs. A cat who is supposed to be a house cat will
dart out the door if you don’t close the door in his face. A
computer never runs off and hides.
Neighbors may call
to tell you your dog kept them all night or that your cat made
improper advances to his cat but never complains to you about
your computer.
If you ask your dog
a question he will just look at you. A cat won’t even do that.
But if you ask a computer a question it will give you an answer
if you ask it correctly.
If your dog expires,
or your cat, you just get rid of it or if you are afraid you will
miss it terribly you can have it stuffed and keep it around until
your heirs get rid of it. If your computer expires, you replace
it with a newer and better model and never miss it at all.
You might even think "Good riddance."
If your dog or cat…
Excuse me, someone
is trying to Instant Message me and I gotta run.
David Westheimer lives
with his wife of 57 years, Dody, in the same Los Angeles apartment
they moved into from Houston, Texas 40 years ago. Their son, Fred,
is a Senior Vice-President at the William Morris Agency and his
younger brother, Eric, is a veterinarian. Succeeding generations
include five grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. As a journalist,
David worked for Oveta Culp Hobby. At 83, David Westheimer continues
to write, and not just for Senior Women. His latest effort, "The
Great Wounded Bird," his recollections of World War II, winner
of the Texas Review 1999 poetry prize, was published this year
by Texas Review Press and may be ordered from Amazon Books, where
it is 1,458,159th on their sales list, from Barnes & Noble and
Borders Books. He is a novelist and a retired Air Force Officer.
He can be reached for a repertoire of feigned curmudgeonly remarks
at: DWestheime@aol.com.
